Called 2 B Saints

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Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Is Drama Worse in Smaller Schools?

Last week we dealt with situations like “friends” who use you to get what they want. But this week we will be covering that is a lot more than an opinion than anything else.

Chip Says:
In many schools, especially high schools and middle schools, there is almost always some kind of drama or conflict. But is conflict worse in bigger schools or smaller schools? Well drama is bad anywhere but it is also different in smaller schools verses bigger schools.
In smaller schools there are less people which leads many people to think that there is less conflict but the conflict all depends on who the people are not how many there are. Another thing about smaller schools is that you know more people there so you become more involved in the drama going on. Plus, rumors spread faster in smaller schools.
Small schools aren’t the only schools that have drama, larger schools do too. The difference in larger schools, however, is that there are more people and so rumors are spread to more people and can be blown more out of control. However one upside to having more people at the school is that you might not know everyone. Therefore, you can stay away from the drama and conflict more easily. Plus, if someone tries to get you involved you can avoid them more easily.
The fact of it is, all drama is bad but yet it keeps coming up in schools everywhere. If you really want to avoid drama it isn’t really about what school you go to. It is more about who you hang out with, and how you yourself act.

Chip 🙂

Dale Says:

Drama is a huge part of school, especially at that time around 8th grade and up into high school. If you’re not careful when you’re trying to solve drama, you might start more, or make the current problem even worse.

I’ve heard a lot of stories about how drama is worse in bigger schools because there are more people to hear the rumors and to point the finger when big problems arise. But in my opinion I think drama is much better at bigger schools for one reason: when there are more people, such as there are in bigger schools, chances are that they won’t know who you are and they probably won’t care if you get involved in a big mess of drama.

On the other hand, in small schools, (especially the ones where people have had the same classmates since about Kindergarten) things can get a lot more complicated. In these types of schools, even if you try to avoid the drama, you get pulled in anyway simply because you do know everyone. It’s something that just happens.

There’s not a whole lot you cab do about the drama in school, but the drama issue is more than an opinion than a fact. Debate it if you’d like, but there’s no real right answer to me.

With Love,

Dale<3<3<3

Are You Really My Friend?

Last week we dealt with jealousy, and how to handle it. This week we’re going to discuss something a little bit more emotionally complicated.

How do you deal with people who pretend to be your friend? This is something very challenging, and we’re going to give you some tips on how to handle it with the best outcome.

Chip Says:

Finding true and loyal friends can be really hard. How can you know if someone is really your friend? And even if they are how do you know if they are “true”, good, and loyal friends? Well, you can never be a 100% sure if someone isn’t pretending to be your friend but there are some things you can do.

Don’t pick you friends based on popularity. Instead, choose friends that you get along with and have fun with. Once you have found those good friends you will be happy. Once you are happy with your life you won’t want to be in with the “popular people” because you won’t feel like you need them to become happy.

However, if you still feel like you want to be popular what do you do? If you have fun with your friends you probably won’t feel the need to be “popular”, but, if you do it can be hard to do without loosing you friends. My advice is not to leave your friends to become popular because you could end up loosing them forever and be alone if you don’t make new ones. Making good friends can be hard but all you can do is find friends who make you happy. Once you do that everything will fall into place.

:] ,

Chip

Dale Says:
This is a really hard situation to deal with. Everyone deals with this kind of stress in different ways. I think at some time everyone has doubts about their friendships, but trust and truthfulness are major link to solve the problem. If you gain friends for a superficial reason, chances are that they only want to be your friend to gain something from you. This kind of thing happens a lot especially in a high school or upper middle school setting. A lot of people find that popularity is the most important thing you can gain at school, and that’s how some kids get hurt; they gain artificial friends. This kind of problem can also occur when you have a friend or family member who is very popular, and other people want t0o get close to that person. If you’re close to that person, you could get hurt because people will most likely use you to get to that person.

There isn’t much you can do about people who pretend to be your friend, but you can watch out for yourself in situations where this problem could arise. Even though you would want to keep yourself from getting hurt, you don’t have to be really extreme about it. All that you need to do is learn to read a person’s personality fairly well and you can pretty much avoid getting hurt.

With Love,

Dale <3<3<3<3<3

Jealousy

Last time we wrote an article, we discussed what to do in a situation where your friend has told you a secret that could be dangerous to them. This week, we’re going to deal with the dreaded green-eyed monster; jealousy.

Chip Says:
Some times when there is something that we want we do get jealous and later we will feel bad for being jealous. Everyone has felt jealous at least once in their lives but is it OK to be jealous?
Technically jealousy is often considered to be a sin because it is similar to envy, one of the seven deadly sins, but how can you avoid it and what do you do if you can’t? Well, you should always try to avoid jealousy by fulfilling the things that will make you happy. If you do that then you will be happy and probably won’t have anything to be jealous about. Fulfilling the things that you want doesn’t necessarily mean getting material things or doing things just for yourself. Often times if you help others or do things for others you will end up feeling better about yourself and usually when that happens you won’t be jealous of others because you will be fulfilled and have the things that you want.
If you fulfill your dreams and desires and you still get jealous over what can you do? You need to repent. Go to confession and talk to your priest and then repent your sin. After you have done that just go out and remember to make yourself happy by doing what you need, want, and by helping others. If you do that you want need to be jealous others again.

Dale Says: Jealousy is a big issue among us, especially at our age. Jealousy occurs in friendships, relationships, and even among your peers whether you know them or not. It can destroy even the best and strongest of friendships and relationships. I know that everyone is affected by jealousy and sometimes a jealous person can become really ugly, as far as their personality goes. I have had to deal with jealousy too.

In my opinion, jealousy can rule your every action if you don’t know how to handle it right. If you let things get out of hand, you might end of losing a good friendship or destroying a loving relationship. Jealousy can turn into anger and when you act in anger, you do rash things that you will most likely regret later. Even though jealousy is an intense emotion, you have to struggle to keep it under control.

You can’t control whether or not you get jealous, but you can control how you react to it. Don’t let your actions get out of hand and you can prevent a lot of unnecessary hurt to your friends, family and others you have relationships with.

With Love,
Dale <3<3<3

Should I Tell?

Last week, we talked about what you can do if one or both of your parents falls ill.

What should I do when my friend tells me a secret, and they might get hurt if I don’t tell someone? But if I do tell, I might lose them as a friend…This week we’ll be covering what to do when you are told a secret that could be potentially dangerous to the friend that the secret is about. It will be hard to deal with this if you fall into this situation, but just keep your friend’s safety in mind.

Chip Says:

If someone tells you a secret it can often put you in a difficult situation. If you think that what the person has told you is about something that could possibly hurt someone then what do you do, and how do you know if you will loose a friend?

You will usually be able to easily tell if the person will be hurt by what is going on in their life. If it isn’t obvious to you, try and put yourself in their situation then see if it is the type of situation you would want help in. If you think your friend could be in trouble, first go to them directly and see if they will get help themselves or fix their problem. Tell them that if they don’t you will find someone to help them. Your friend might be mad at you if you get an adult to help them but, in the end, they will understand that you were only trying to help them. For example, if your friend tells you their dad or mom hit them because they got mad and they ask you not to tell anyone, what they want you to say is that they got their bruise when they tripped and fell. You certainly have to get your friend help. But, first go to them and ask if they will do something to solve the situation or get help themselves. If they won’t you need to go to a teacher, parent, or trusted adult and tell them the situation so that they can get your friend help.

Although it is important to tell you friend’s secrets sometimes in order to get them help, not all secrets have to be told. If your friend confides in you about something that you know won’t hurt them you obviously shouldn’t tell anyone about that. Remember, getting a friend help is not the same thing as gossiping about them. If you tell your friends secret for no reason it will be much harder for them to forgive and the might never do so because you didn’t do it to help them.
Sincerely,
Chip


Dale
Says:

This is a guaranteed difficult decision to make. When a friend tells you a secret like this, you can do one of two things:

You can either one, keep it a secret and risk your friend’s safety, or two, tell and possibly risk losing that friend. If you tell, in a timely fashion, your friend can be saved from a hazardous situation, but that friend won’t exactly be your biggest fan for a while. That might seem like a harsh thing, but it’s in the best interest for your friend. Whereas if you were primarily concerned with your friend staying your friend, and you don’t tell, then you would be putting your friend into an even more dangerous situation because the danger will be prolonged. I’m sure none of you out there want your friend want to be put into any danger at all, but not telling anyone when your friend is in danger, could make the situation out to be this way.

To sum it all up, I’m saying that when you’re told a secret that could put someone else in danger you should tell because otherwise that person could be seriously hurt. Often times the person who tells is too afraid to tell anyone else and is confiding in you, so you can’t usually depend on them to tell the secret and get themselves out of danger. Your friend will be a little hostile for a while, but after they’re out of trouble, they will thank you.

With Love,

Dale <3<3<3

My Parent is Sick…

Last week we dealt with fighting with your parents, but this week we’ll deal with something much more serious. When your parent is sick there isn’t much you can do about it, but try to be helpful and supportive. During their time of illness, try to help your parent as much as you can

Chip Says:

If you have or know someone who has a parent that is sick you know how hard it can be to cope with. During those kinds of hardships it is important to remember to keep God close by in our hearts. Do the best you can to help your parents and loved ones and talk to them about what is going on in your life.

Remember to pray for your parents and remember that even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time, God loves you and your family. Your parent might not get better right away just from your praying but one thing that you can be sure about is that God is listening to your prayers, is watching over you, and is working in mysterious ways. One thing that also might help you deal with this hard time is staying by your parent’s side even if you are scared for them because they need you now more than ever before.

Some other ways that you can comfort you parents and help them is by doing some of the things that they can’ t and by helping around the house with chores. You can help make dinner, do your homework without being asked, and maybe even help younger siblings with their homework if they need it. However, your parent might want to continue doing some of these things if they enjoy them. Don’t go to overboard and not allow them to do anything, but instead help them do things that are now hard for them. And finally, talk to your parents about things that you can’t deal with alone. Make sure that you follow your heart so that he can help you to be guided by the Holy Spirit.

<3 <3 <3

Chip

Dale Says:

When one of your parents is sick there isn’t much you can do, but there is a little bit out there. When your parent is sick you should want to help them as much as you can, especially if you have a little brother or sister. When you have little siblings that your parent can’t take care of anymore, you have to step up.

One thing you can do to help your parent(s), while that person is sick is to first of all make sure things like dinner and your brothers and sister are taken care of. If you don’t know how to cook, well then you might have a problem. See that’s the reason why God gave us the people who created toasters and microwaves. I guarantee it will be tough while your parents are sick and you will have to help out around your house if anything is to get done.

First of all, depending on the sickness, you should try and help your parent to get better. If the illness is something just as simple as a cold, make sure that your parent is drinking plenty of fluids and getting plenty of rest. Remember that rest is an important part of letting your parent get better in any situation. I know all of you out there deeply love and care about your parents, not to mention you probably don’t like doing the extra work around the house, so you’ll most likely want your parent to get well as soon as possible. But don’t try too hard with helping out. Nobody likes being stuck in their house all the time and the last thing they want is to be told they can’t even leave their bed.

Just remember that your parents will love the help you give them and really appreciate all the hard work you’ve done for them. The reward in the end will be greatly worth it.

With love,

Dale <3 <3 <3

When I Fight with My Parents…

My parents and I fight a lot, and I always end up grounded or punished by other means. What can I do about it? Well last week we talked about fighting with friends and how to deal with it, but this week we will discuss how to deal with fighting with your parents.

Chip says:
A lot of times teens and parents fight with each other and that is often because they don’t have the same point of view. If you are a teen you might think that your parents don’t listen to you and don’t allow you to be independent or have freedom. On the other hand, parents want to protect their kids and make sure they are safe by keeping them under a watchful eye. It is important for both parents and teens to see where the other is coming from.
There are many things that we as teens can do to try and avoid fighting with parents and at the same time gain their respect and trust. Try to do things that you know your parents will appreciate so that it will make them less frustrated with you. However if the problems between you and your parents are really bothering you, sit down and talk with them about it. If you avoid the problems, chances are they will only get worse. If you end up arguing with your parents during the conversation because you get really upset, remember to try stay calm and don’t get caught up in the moment because you might end up saying something you don’t mean. I have fought with my parents many times in my life and sometimes I end up saying things that I don’t mean just because I am mad at them and want them to feel upset and hurt the same way that I do. However, once I have said these hurtful things I feel bad about it and even though I know that I didn’t mean them, my parents don’t. Plus, I get in more trouble than I already would have been in.

You can never be sure of when you will fight with your parents or why, but you can be sure of how you handle yourself in these arguments. When you act mature by not getting upset and not letting your emotions get the better of you things get resolved and you will be happier. Plus, when you get upset and storm out nothing really gets resolved and if the problem is really bothering you, not dealing with it might even make you more upset. Make sure that you deal with any important problems and resolve them, but also do your part to avoid fights with your parents by trying to help them, and by acting respectful.

Dale says:

Sometimes,you have to know when to speak your mind and when to control your mouth. When having a disagreement with your parents, that would be a time to watch what you say. Whether your parents are right or wrong, you will be punished (most likely) for disrespecting them. Often times the best way to go is to just listen to what they say and express your frustration in other ways. Yelling and screaming will get you nowhere except grounded. And I think I can safely say that nobody out there wants that to happen.

A lot of you guys out there probably have old-fashioned parents(or pretty close to it). When you have parents like this or come across adults who have these mannerisms, there isn’t much you can do about speaking your mind around them, especially when you’re frustrated or angry. Any of you who don’t know what I mean by “old-fashioned,” it’s just those parents or adults who haven’t realized that this is a new day and age and kids are like they used to be. Dealing with these adults can be difficult I know. My coach is like that, and I know it can be very difficult to persuade him in my favor when I find an idea that can benefit the team better.

In general, you have to know how to hinder your words with the adults who still have the theory “children should be seen and not heard.” This is an old way of life that has greatly changed in the last 20 to 30 years or so. I’m not saying that these adults are wrong, they should just recognize the fact that times are changing and people have to change with them. There isn’t much you can do if the people don’t want to accept the change that’s coming with the newly changing times.

If all else fails, turn to meditation or God to help you. When you’re mad, you might say thing that won’t end up well for you. So the best thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation and find a way to calm yourself before attempting to deal with the problem at hand.

With love,

Dale <3<3<3

Dealing with Fighting Friends

What do I do if my friends are fighting and they want me to choose sides? In last week’s article we dealt with balancing responsibilities including friends and drama, however this week we will deal with how to deal with drama between friends. We hope that these suggestions will help you with your decision.

xoxo,

Chip and Dale

Chip Says:
A lot of times friends will have problems with each other and they will try and get a mutual friend to side with them. So what do you do if you are that friend who is stuck in the middle of their fight? You can always choose sides but that can often be a sure fire way to loose the friend you don’t side with. If you really want the whole thing to blow over and come out with all the friends you had at the beginning, the best thing you can do is stay neutral.

When your friends come to you and complain about the one they are in a fight with, listen, but don’t talk badly about the person with them. Once they are done tell them you understand where they are coming from, but also let them know that you don’t want to get in the middle of it. Don’t try and mediate the situation because chances are someone will feel like you are siding with the other. If they insist on you siding with them, don’t let them get to you, instead, find another friend who isn’t involved in the fight and stay with them until the fight ends.

I can almost promise you that you will get in a situation like this at least once in your life. It has happened to me once already in my life and I am sure that it will happen more times throughout the rest of my life. In my situation, my friends were mad at each other and spreading rumors about one another, which made them even more upset with one another. They would constantly talk to me about it and try to get me to talk badly about my other friend with them. I am so glad that I didn’t give in to either one of them. The fight eventually blew over and in the end I still had both of my friends.

Your friends might seem mad at you at the time for not siding with them but they will eventually realize that you weren’t trying to hurt anyone, including yourself. At the end of the day, remember, they can’t get mad at you for not wanting to get involved.

Sincerely,

Chip =]

Dale Says:
When your friends are fighting, I realize it can be stressful to decide which side of the fight you should support or if you should support anyone at all. No matter what you do, the outcome won’t be very beneficial to you. When you choose a side, one of your friends will be hurt even though I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hurt any of them. But if you don’t choose at all, both of your friends will look at the situation as you betraying them. Now you may look at this as you’d rather choose a side and just hurt one of them, but when you don’t get involved the outcome will be better in the end. Your friends will hopefully see that you just didn’t want to choose because you didn’t want to be involved and you didn’t want anyone to get hurt in the process.

When you are in a situation like this, I would try to follow these pointers:

  • try to think rationally about the situation
  • decide what would be right or the best decision for everyone in the long run
  • if possible, don’t choose sides

I think it’s safe for me to say that if you haven’t already been in this situation, you will at least a few times during your life time. When you are posed with this situation you have to be strong. I’m going to be completely honest with all of you reading this: your friends may seem like they hate you for a while after you make your decision. Remember, your friends do not hate you, but they will think that you are wrong if you don’t agree with them. Just don’t forget to say to yourself that excluding yourself from the fight is the best thing to do. Your friends will appreciate your decision eventually.

Stay strong in all your decisions.

With love,

Dale <3<3<3<3<3

How can I balance school, drama, friends, and sports or other activities?

Dale Says:

As far as school goes, you have to remember to put your studies first. Here are a few pointers I try to follow:

  • always make time for homework
  • frequently study and subject that gives you trouble
  • don’t be ashamed to ask for help, whether it be from parents, a teacher, and possibly even a tutor.

I understand that sometimes there is a lot of stress, especially to succeed. That’s why you should make sure to organize your time well. If you find yourself struggling and things seeming like you never have time anymore, step back and just get a grip on what’s the most important at that time.

In school, especially as you reach the middle school/high school age drama becomes a very prominent and big part of your school life. Here are a few ways to handle it

  • Don’t take sides in a situation that arises between other people.
  • If you are thrust into the situation, try not to retaliate to horrible acts done to you.
  • Do not instigate…the retaliation will be much worse.

Sometimes, I’m sure, all of you out there feel pressure from your friends, classmates, peers and possibly the adults around you as well.

  • try not to be persuaded or affected by the pressure
  • steer clear of people who make you feel as though you should do something that you would never normally do
  • listen to your conscience; it will never lead you in the wrong way

I know it can feel like you have to listen to your friends no matter that they say or do to be accepted, but that’s not true in any way. People who don’t respect you or what’s good for you, don’t deserve to be your friend.

In the sports and other activities side of this post, it’s hard to keep them balanced with school and everything else. I know that for sure.

  • time organization is a huge part
  • don’t overload yourself
  • don’t be too busy for other aspects of your life
  • your sports keep you in shape and often times, happier too
  • in other activities, don’t do them just because someone thinks you should
  • make sure you enjoy what you do or else it’s just not worth it

With all these different aspects of your life, you have ti be well organized. Everything you do now has an affect on what kind of person ans student you will be later in life. That is exactly you have to be careful of the decisions you make and how you use your time to accomplish your goals.

With love,

your pal Dale <3

Chip Says:
I think that having a balanced life is really important to being not only happy but also to being successful in everything you do. Even though it is important for us to stay balanced many people often tend to focus on one thing too much and let other things fall by the wayside. The key to staying balanced is to prioritize and then to stick to those priorities.

Steps to Prioritizing:

  1. Decide to try and eliminate any and all drama from your life.
    • Once you have less drama in you life you will have more time to focus on important things in your life.
  2. Decide a way to deal with drama if you can’t avoid it.
    • I have found the best way to deal with problems is to confront them directly so that they don’t continue bothering you.
    • Once you have confronted the problem find a way to deal with it.
  3. Prioritize the other things in you life like spending time with loved ones, focusing on schoolwork, and spending time on other activities.
    • Decide which of these things is most important to you.
    • I think that this is one of the best or the best way of prioritizing your activities:
      • First: Make sure to spend a good amount of time on you schoolwork
      • Second: Pick a few of you favorite activities and stick only to those few. These activities will allow you to spend time with friends at practices and games. Plus, you can spend time with family at games and recitals.
      • Third: Always make an effort to spend quality time with your family everyday even if that means just sitting down to dinner together every night to talk about your day

Once you have gotten everything balanced and you have you priorities in line you might even want to take on more activities or other responsibilities. I hope that this helps you become balanced as school starts again and as you grow up and have to take on some challenging responsibilities.

Sincerely,
Chip